Joining the Ranks

I take it as a point of pride to have consistently dodged the call to fall into line with our consumer society. Nobody could accuse me of not enjoying possessions, and anybody familiar with my walls of books and piles of recordings couldn't deny that I have a weakness for amassing "collections" (a term of some contention between me and my wife, but there's not enough time for this). But the All-American pastime of spending borrowed cash on massive purchases, of spending weekends inside malls and shopping areas, of leaping into the next announced uptick in digital technology - well, count me out. My vehicles have all been family hand-me-downs, all but the latest equipped with tape decks. We stubbornly cling to our increasingly outdated PC. I hold firm against the iPod revolution. And our television hailed from those proud days when televisions tipped the scales at 100 lbs. and hung over the sides of any respectable cabinet.

Well, no more. At least on the last item. Citing a need to shift our living space around and revamp the layout, it was determined that we must be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. And so a blitz of consumer activity commenced last Friday. An innocent peek inside the soon-to-be-liquidated Circuit City resulted in picking up one of these flat-screened plasma things everyone has been braying about for years. But our ignorance on these matters became apparent when the store employees refused to load the purchase inside our compact car, due to concerns of destroying the plasma if laid flat. I was a bit dubious, but when told they'd hold it for less than 24 hours and expected us to show up with a truck, I found myself at the nearest U-Haul renting a white pickup truck for approximately an 8 mile distance. In a whirlwind tour of Point Loma's back streets, shopping areas, intersections and turning lanes, I managed to maneuver the truck in a way suggesting some comfortability (both physical and moral) with an over sized vehicle. My chest hair sprouted through my collared shirt as I blew through a yellow light.

The testosterone levels shrank notably when we leaned upon our good friend Sean to help us set up the plasma, seeing how room limitations would force us to mount the contraption. I've been known to walk away frustrated after trying to hang photos on the wall, so Sean's familiarity with locating wall studs and facility with power drills came as a relief. And my research into the necessity of purchasing gold-plated HDMI cables and how to avoid image retention and burn-in leaves me feeling vaguely in need of a shower. Still - I can't exactly claim to be ahead of the curve here. And with a large personal film library demanding some sort of respectful venue to be shown on, I have to admit I feel a bit less silly about making such an investment as those who plan to use it strictly for playing XBox or watching episodes of My Fair Brady.

So, to recap. I have spent time inside a Circuit City and a Best Buy. I have driven a pickup truck. I have bought into a new and hyped form of electronic entertainment. I have shown my patriotism by shopping. And yet....having held off for eight years on many major purchases out a sense of pride and decency, I'm grateful that any noticeable uptick in the local or national economy based on my actions this past weekend will go under Obama's historical record. The Jason and Jane economic stimulus package has already passed the House and Senate.