File As: Screenplay Treatment of Aborted Borders Purchase

Border(s)line Insanity : A Treatment

FADE IN:

EXT. SHOPPING CTR. PARKING LOT - DAYTIME - ESTABLISHING

Palm trees, convertibles, distant elevated freeway, Fuddrucker’s on right-hand side – a snapshot of typical Southern California consumer zones.

CUT to 30ish scowling man (JASON) locking vehicle, turning towards off-screen shopping center. He fumbles with sunglasses case, tucks under arm.

EXT. shot of entrance to Borders Books. A few moms with strollers glancing over clearance items. Old man with wide-brimmed cowboy hat stares at JASON.

INT. BOOKSTORE MAIN FLOOR

Soft, idiotic music barely audible – poor man’s Mary Chapin Carpenter, say. Large display of books dominates view. Sign above display reads: TWILIGHT HIGHLIGHTS.

JASON moves away from Twilight display table, towards adjacent shelf display. Sign clearly reads: NEW TITLES 20% OFF.

CUT to JASON POV, looking down at new book display. At least one diet book, something about bonding with cats, Bill O’Reilly’s PINHEADS AND PATRIOTS, **** MY DAD SAYS, etc.

JASON’S hand reaches out to touch colorful hardcover book - THE THOUSAND AUTUMNS OF JACOB DE ZOET. Turns to back flap, photo of author. DAVID MITCHELL.

CLOSE-UP of JASON’s face. Clearly thinking hard. Glances up at sign on display table.

CUT, CLOSE-UP of sign. NEW TITLES 20% OFF. Slight pan to new sign, also on display table. BORDERS REWARDS MEMBERS, TAKE ADDITIONAL 10% OFF!

CUT to JASON turning book over to examine back of book. ZOOM to book sticker : $26.99.

CUT to JASON moving his lips, silently doing some math (it should be obvious that this does not come easy for him).

BACK UP to NEW TITLES 20% OFF sign.

CUT to long view of distant checkout counter. Customer’s back is turned towards viewer, cashier can be seen and heard. Snatches of “do you have a Borders Reward card?” should just barely be audible over the poor man’s Mary Chapin Carpenter.

CUT to Jason. Big sigh. Should be obvious he is not looking forward to any encounter with the cashier. He steps out of frame, still holding book.

CUT to checkout line. JASON nearly stumbles over stacked piles of junk – board games, dog calendars, coffee-table edition of book on NASA space shuttle Endeavor, plastic-wrapped trinkets, etc. General impression should be that of a Dollar Store rather than a bookstore. Others standing in line glance suspiciously at JASON, who winds around the junk maze to stand behind sunburned woman holding an elephant calendar and a Joyce Meyer paperback. Poor man’s Mary Chapin Carpenter song ends, replaced with poor man’s Ray LaMontagne.

CASHIER (male, bearded, 40s) looks up.

CASHIER
Can I help the next guest in line, please?

CASHIER alongside him (female, 50s) looks beyond camera.

OTHER CASHIER
And I can help the next guest after that!

JASON walks into frame where male CASHIER waits. Sets book down on counter.

JASON
Hi, how’re you doin’?

CASHIER
Great, great, great. Did you find everything all right today?

JASON
(nodding emphatically)
Yep, yep.

CASHIER
Was there anything else you were looking for today?

JASON
(slightly puzzled look on face)
No, this is it.

CASHIER
OK, do you have a Borders Rewards Card with us today?

JASON
(very quickly, shaking head)
Uh, no.

CASHIER
Would you like to fill one out and get started with one today?

JASON
(makes bitter yet polite smile)
No, I don’t think so. Not today.

CASHIER
You sure? They’re free and they just take a minute.

JASON
(kind of wincing by now)
No. Really, no thanks.

CASHIER
(hitting a few buttons on cash register)
OK, then, well, that’ll be $28.75.

CUT to JASON looking uncomfortable.

JASON
Umm. OK. How much was the book?

CASHIER
(glancing at screen, then at book)
$26.99

JASON
OK, I got it off of that table over there, and it said all new books were 20% off.

CUT to CASHIER POV shot of distant table.

CASHIER
OK, I think what you’re thinking of is the 10% off price for all of our Borders Rewards card holders.

JASON
Well, there’s that sign, too. But that’s an additional 10% off. The sign says all new books are 20% off.

CASHIER
(his smile is fading a bit)
You need to be a Borders Rewards card holder for that additional 10% off.

JASON
Exactly. I don’t need the additional discount. But I picked up the book from a table that said 20% off of everything.

CASHIER
(long pause)
The 10% is for Borders Rewards card holders.

JASON
(shorter pause)
There are two signs on that table.

CASHIER
(really long pause)
Why don’t you show me what you’re talking about?

CASHIER and JASON walk over to display table. JASON awkwardly steps over boxes of trinkets and $3 coffee table books.

POV of sales table. Sign clearly reads NEW TITLES 20% OFF. Adjacent sign on table clearly reads BORDERS REWARDS MEMBERS, TAKE ADDITIONAL 10% OFF! CASHIER and JASON look at sign for a few seconds.

JASON
So, I see the whole additional 10% is for members, but I was looking at the 20% off sign.

CASHIER
But that is only for books on this table.

JASON leans over, picks up copy of book in question, sitting directly under the sign. CASHIER looks at the book, then back at the sign.

CASHIER
I think the 20% off thing is for Borders Rewards card holders, too.

JASON
Both the 20% and the 10% are only for members?

CASHIER
I think so.

JASON
On the same table? That’s 30% then.

CASHIER
(thinking silently)

JASON
I don’t see why it would be two separate sales on the same table. And both only for members, if only one sign says something about it being for members.

CASHIER
I guess I could see how somebody might get confused.

JASON
I’m not confused. I think the signs are confused.

CASHIER
I imagine somebody could say it was a little misleading.

JASON
I grabbed it because the sign said all new titles were 20% off. But they’re not. That’s more than a little misleading. It’s actually kind of a mess.

CASHIER
I think only some of the books on this table are on sale. They have another special sticker.

JASON
(silent, continues looking at sign)

CASHIER
We might be able to get a manager out here to talk to you about this.

JASON
(making a very nice smile)
No, no, look, I’m not trying to get a manager out here, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m not going to complain. I’m just not sure how this table can have this sign if the books are not actually on sale.

CASHIER
They are on sale for our Borders Rewards card holders. Some of them are on sale for Borders Rewards card holders.

JASON
For 20% off? Or 20% plus 10%? Or 30%?

CASHIER
That’s something I’m not sure about.

JASON
It’s ok. Why don’t you just cancel the transaction. It’s not that big of a deal.

CASHIER
If you would fill out a form and join our Borders Rewards program –

JASON
(holding up hand, sad smile on face)
Really. It’s ok. No hard feelings.

JASON turns to walk out of bookstore. He nearly trips over giant stack of Elmo pop-up books. Steadying himself with one hand on a nearby revolving rack of English Cottage calendars, he exits store.

QUICK CUT TO BLACK

THE END